


The Pain of First Love

by xxicentury



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 18:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7543516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxicentury/pseuds/xxicentury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do Kyungsoo moves often, making it nearly impossible for him to form a bond with others. He supposes making friends each time he moves is pointless, but he takes a desperate chance at friendship when Kim Jongin is willing to put up with the sadness that inevitably comes at the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. kyungsoo

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so thiiiiis is my first Kaisoo fic ever. It sucks, I know. Sorry for any mistakes! I'm lazy af but I tried
> 
> Originally posted on AFF.

* * *

 

 

Do Kyungsoo tries to drown out the incessant chatter of the students around him. He opted for turning the volume up on his phone in an attempt to override the chaos with music, but the sound of laughter and unnecessary whoops coming from the back of the bus somehow seeps into his hearing. He sat alone on the noisy bus, staring out the window as the unfamiliar scenery of small houses and autumn trees bustle past him. The soft glow of sunlight peeks in through the vehicle's window and bathes a part of his face in warmth. It was nice, Kyungsoo thought, but it was just like the other first-days-of-school he's had.

For the past five years, Kyungsoo has moved schools a total of six times. His parents worked as doctors, being transferred to many different hospitals around South Korea. Although it was inconvenient and sometimes interfered with his education, he never complained. He understood how demanding and draining a doctor's lifestyle was like, and so Kyungsoo had learned to deal with it over time. 

The Do family never settled in a place for longer than a year. Kyungsoo's mother and father always broke the news to him quite sadly but gently, and each time it happened, he would just nod and comply like a machine that was designed for one specific function. There are times when he feels like an empty shell, and he sometimes supposes that he is because he just feels  _hollow._

Kyungsoo keeps to himself. He avoids contact with other students in fear that any sort of attachment to people he's bound to move away from in a few months would eventually lead to regret and sadness that will travel wherever he goes. And so the boy decides to keep quiet, isolating himself from crowds and speaking only when he has to. It's a lonely life, but Kyungsoo convinces himself that he doesn't need anyone.

The bus lurches to a stop when another student steps onto the platform. Kyungsoo's eyes travels to the front where a tanned male stands. Judging from the way the boy scans the aisles with uncertain eyes, Kyungsoo assumes he's a new student as well. Their eyes connect for a moment and the tanned male sighs in relief. He steps forward, coming ever so close to Kyungsoo.

The guy stops beside his seat and stands awkwardly for a moment. Kyungsoo takes out one of his earphones and stares up at him expectantly.

 "Can I sit with you?" He asks with a slight smile. 

Kyungsoo stares blankly at him but nods nevertheless. 

The guy occupies the opposite side of the seat, keeping a 5-inch distance between them. Kyungsoo places the earphone back in, music flooding his ears as he tries to ignore the presence next to him. The rest of the ride to school is silent.

 

\--o--

 

It turns out his name is Kim Jongin. He's a junior - a year younger than Kyungsoo - and he shares the same integrated music class as he does. Their eyes somehow drift towards one another when Jongin steps in the room. The sound of students die down in his ears as Jongin continues to stare, almost as if he were scrutinizing him. Kyungsoo shifts awkwardly in his seat, but stares back as if they were having a contest. It's just the two of them stuck in a gravitational trance that feels heavy, but maybe that's just how Kyungsoo sees it.

The spell is broken when the bell rings and the teacher speaks up. 

Jongin takes the seat next to him, shocking Kyungsoo with another smile aimed his direction. Before he finds himself even doing it, Kyungsoo feels the corner of his lips tugging up. He adverts his gaze and stares at his hands folded on top of his lap.

"Hey," he hears the male say. His voice is deeper than Kyungsoo had initially thought.

"Hi."

"I'm Kim Jongin."

"Do Kyungsoo."

Once again, Jongin flashes a smile that seems genuine and kind. If he's being honest, it scares Kyungsoo how friendly and easygoing the guy seemingly is. He finds himself looking up at him, taking in his features now that he's sitting at a closer proximity. 

His breath hitches ever so slightly, eyes grazing the surface of Jongin's face. Good God, he's good looking. He almost hates how good looking he is. It makes Kyungsoo self conscious. Where Jongin has soft brown almond-shaped eyes, Kyungsoo has large eyes with irises nearing the colour of black. Where Jongin's lips are soft and plump, Kyungsoo's lips are chapped and slightly dry. Where Jongin's skin tone is sun-kissed and healthy, Kyungsoo's is alarmingly pale. Where Jongin's hair is bleached blond in a way that gives off sex appeal, Kyungsoo's hair remains boring and naturally black. It's almost funny how different they appear to be.

"Are you new here?" Jongin asks softly as the teacher, Mr. Choi, drones on about the course.

Kyungsoo can only manage a nod.

"Me too. To be honest, I kind of feel out of place since everyone here is already in some sort of friend group. Let's keep each other company, okay?"

Everything Jongin has said completely goes against the rules he's made up for himself:

1\. Avoid contact with other students. 

2\. Only talk when necessary.

3\. Don't become attached to anyone.

Kyungsoo's already broken the first two rules in the first day of a new school, and he's afraid Jongin will be the first one to break the third rule. Because Kyungsoo knew his limit. Breaking the third rule is definitely a no. His brain screams at him, telling him to move to another spot where Jongin will get the hint. Everything about this situation seems wrong, every part of Kyungsoo itching to get away from the other. But Kyungsoo stays rooted to the seat with wide eyes and at a loss of words. The older male can't leave, nor can he nod. Instead, he tears his eyes away from Jongin's pleading ones and stares ahead where Mr. Choi is headed. 

Jongin falters and slides a bit further down in his seat. No words are said again.

An hour passes with nothing but slight tension between the two as Kyungsoo does everything in his power to keep his gaze away from Jongin. However, he can see Jongin sneaking glances at him every once in a while through his peripheral vision. 

The bell signals the end of third period. Kyungsoo doesn't look back as he grabs his belongings and exits the classroom as quickly as possible.

 

\--o--

 

The school day comes to a close and he finds himself on the bus again. Students begin to fill up the seats and the noise level begins to rise with the population. Kyungsoo manages to catch snippets of people's conversations. The two girls seated beside him are giggling about a hot biology teacher. Some asshole in the back is telling his friends an obviously over exaggerated story of how he got kicked out of physics class on the first day. Kyungsoo was there. He rolls his eyes. It wasn't that big of a deal, but apparently Chanyeol and his friends find some sort of kick out of it. The sound level reaches a point where music is the only solution to make up for his lack of accompaniment. 

Just as Kyungsoo is about to plug his earphones in, Jongin enters the bus with clothes that aren't part of the required uniform. He sports an all black outfit with a black tank top clinging onto his torso and loose black sweatpants. Only people who are in the dance program are allowed to dress in such a way.

Jongin walks farther into the bus and Kyungsoo can hear the two girls from before talking about how hot Jongin is and how his arms look. He stops in front of Kyungsoo, sending him a kind grin before settling down in the seat next to him. 

Kyungsoo is jealous. Just a little bit. It's only the first day of school and Jongin is already the talk of the school.  _Whatever_ , he thinks. One more year and he'll be off to university, probably 10 miles away from where he currently is. He places his earphones in and blasts some music to drown out his thoughts. His eyes close and he leans his head back onto the seat. The music fills his body, consuming his senses as he gets lost in the song. He may be friendless and lonely, but at least he has music as an outlet of sorts. 

He feels a tap on his shoulder and opens his eyes to look at Jongin. He says something but he doesn't catch it at first. 

"Pardon?" Kyungsoo says as he takes an earbud out.

"What song are you listening to?" Jongin wonders curiously.

Kyungsoo freezes for a moment before turning on the screen of his phone. He shows the song to Jongin.

The younger male scratches at his cheek timidly. "Sorry, I don't... I don't understand what it says," he says sheepishly.

Kyungsoo offers a reassuring smile. "It's okay. I don't either."

"You don't?" He wonders. "Do you know the band name though? Or the song title?"

"The band is Local Connect." Kyungsoo informs as he pauses the song to continue talking. "They're a Japanese band. I don't really know how to pronounce the title though."

"That's cool." Jongin says. He really looks like he means it. Kyungsoo appreciates it.

"So then what's the song about?"

Kyungsoo never really bothered to look up the meaning of the lyrics, so he just shrugs and turns his head to look out the window in slight embarrassment. 

"Can I listen to it?"

He turns his head once again to look at Jongin. Sharing his taste in music with someone else definitely goes against what he usually follows. Sharing his music is a bit... personal, as Kyungsoo likes to put it. He's never really had anyone else to talk to music about. It's like sharing a part of himself with others which could lead to attachment. Yet the look on Jongin's face automatically makes Kyungsoo offer an earphone to him.

He presses play, and once again, the two are stuck in their own little world.

 

\--o--

 

The next day on the bus, Jongin enters with a grin as bright as the sun directed towards Kyungsoo. He's practically glowing with the way he looks right now, and something inside the shorter boy stirs in him. Never in his six years of moving around has someone been so happy to see him. His pulse races as a wave of emotions crash through him. He's anxious, scared, and unsure. But most of all, he feels something like happiness swelling in him and he manages to smile back at Jongin.

"Hey," Jongin greets.

"Hi."

He's still smiling at Kyungsoo, and he has to advert his gaze when he feels the heat rising up to his cheeks. He's not supposed to be feeling this way, and he knows this.

"You remember introducing me to Local Connect, right?"

Kyungsoo nods, still not looking up.

"Can I listen to them again? With you? I couldn't stop thinking about it ever since you showed me them yesterday," Jongin beams as excitement bleeds through his tone. He looks so happy. It's infectious, Kyungsoo believes, and he can't help but absorb the feeling radiating off of the other. Is happiness really that infectious?

He hands a bud to Jongin, and once the two have securely placed it in the corresponding ear, Kyungsoo presses play and lets the music do the talking.

 

\--o--

 

Kyungsoo's eyes are unfocused, his chin placed on his right hand. First period is physics, and Kyungsoo finds it hard to concentrate on Mrs. Yong's lesson. It's not that Chanyeol and Jongdae are goofing off in class, nor is it the fact that another friend of Chanyeol's decided to wander in when he spots the red-haired giant. No, it's none of that. His mind is elsewhere, bringing him to a place filled with things he shouldn't be thinking. 

He mindlessly feels  the outline of his phone in his uniform pocket, tracing the edges in repeated patterns. Kyungsoo pulls it out while Mrs. Yong is scolding Baekhyun for disrupting her lesson by "inviting himself in my physics class." His peers had suddenly become rowdy with obnoxious laughter and shouts, but he doesn't listen to all of that. 

Kyungsoo opens his lock screen and creates a playlist with all of the Local Connect songs he has on his phone.

 

\--o--

 

Kyungsoo shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have made a playlist. He doesn't even know why he did it.

But when third period with Jongin comes around, the feeling suddenly hits him and he feels sick and so terribly disappointed in himself. Kyungsoo is becoming attached to a guy he's barely met for two days, and it freaks him out so much more than it should. There's no reason for the shorter teenager to feel the way he does, knowing that he'll only end up moving away in who knows how many months.

So when Jongin greets Kyungsoo and sits beside him, he tells himself that he doesn't need any friends and that he'll only set himself up for a path of sadness. Kyungsoo focuses on what Mr. Choi is saying, not once sparing a glance at the latter. From the corner of his vision, he can see Jongin staring at him with concerned eyes. Kyungsoo ignores him for the entire period.

The end of the day comes slowly. When Jongin enters the bus in his loose dance attire and the same look of concern etched on his face, Kyungsoo's earphones are already plugged in. His eyes are closed and he continues to shut out Jongin.

A month passes by like this, with Jongin attempting to talk to him when given the chance which is quite frequent. On the bus to school, during third period, and on the bus back home; Jongin tries. He still greets Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo greets him back, but that's how far the elder goes with conversation. He normally doesn't answer to Jongin's question sometimes, dodging his asks and instead losing himself with a work from other classes. Kyungsoo only responds with one worded answers, and he can see how upset Jongin gets. It bothers Kyungsoo too as the loneliness from past experiences catches up to him.

"Kyungsoo!" He hears someone call from behind him one day as lunch is in session. 

He turns around only to be greeted by Jongin running his way. Kyungsoo has a habit of running away from things he doesn't want to face. He walks faster away from him. Kyungsoo was never good with confrontation and talking about himself. He prays that he'll escape just in time, but Jongin catches up to him and reaches out for his bicep. He twists the smaller boy around to face him with the same look he's been giving Kyungsoo for the longest time.

"Kyungsoo," he breathes, staring at him so intensely that Kyungsoo flushes under his gaze.

"Please stop running away from me," Jongin pleads. "Did I do something wrong?"

Kyungsoo refuses to return his stare. "No," he says softly.

"Then why did you suddenly push me away? Avoid me? I just want to be your friend. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Look Jongi-"

"Hyung," Jongin barely whispers and Kyungsoo's heart skips a beat. "Please."

The air is tense between the two as silence creeps in. It's killing Kyungsoo and he's on the verge of breaking. He can feel the walls he's built up for so long beginning to collapse.

"Goddamit Jongin," he says. "I can't have friends."

"And why not?"

"Because!" Kyungsoo practically yells. Jongin's grip on Kyungsoo loosens and he runs a frustrated hand through his black locks. He paces a little bit before facing the younger boy. "You keep on bothering me and pestering me to talk to you! Did you know that I move every few months? If I have a friend, then what happens after? Nothing. I'd be moving and everything would suck. We'd lose contact and the effort put into out friendship would be fruitless. So _please_ just leave me alone. It's better to leave with no attachments. You understand, right?"

"Kyungsoo..." Jongin stands glued to his spot. The hallway is empty. The silence suddenly becomes unbearable. "I don't care. You need at least one friend right?" Kyungsoo doesn't say anything, so he continues. "I get it. I understand why you distance yourself from people. But don't you think it's worth having a friend even for a short amount of time? Leaving will be hard yes, but don't you think it'll be worth it for the amount of happiness it might bring you in the present and the happy memories that will linger in the future?"

"God you sound so fucking cheesy."

"I _am_ fucking cheesy."

Kyungsoo's entire resolve dissipates and he finds himself giving into his words. It's hard and it's a fear that will forever be with him until he moves, but he's willing to give friendship a try if someone like Jongin is willing to try so hard to get close to him. So he agrees. He figures it's worth it with the blinding smile that Jongin gives him.

"Thank you. It's been a while since I've last heard that Local Connect song. Care to share again?"

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but lets out a chuckle. He feels much lighter and happier than he has been for the past five years because  _finally_ he found someone who's worth being friends with. It takes a second for him to take out his phone and earphones before handing him an earbud.

"I have something else I want you to listen to by them. It's called Cosmo Loop and it's amazing."

Suddenly, Kyungsoo is glad he didn't delete the playlist he originally set up for Jongin a week ago.

 

\--o--

 

Months pass by and the two find themselves to be inseparable. 

Their near daily Local Connect session has broadened with new artists. Sometimes Kyungsoo introduces Jongin to other artists that he enjoys such as Nell, Thornapple, SaltnPaper, and HyukOh. Each and every time, the latter expresses his enjoyment with a smile and a tap of his hands along to the beat of the music. In exchange for the bands, Jongin shows Kyungsoo the artists he's into. He remembers a particular moment when Jongin said he wanted to "bang Jooyoung's face and voice," and he found himself agreeing as Jooyoung's smooth voice drifted into their ears.

They've learned from one another; their habits, likes and dislikes, and little bits of information in their lives. Jongin dances. Kyungsoo sings. They both promised they'd perform for the other one day.

But as the two boys spend more and more time with one another, Kyungsoo finds himself feeling things that he has never felt before. He notices the little things about Jongin, like how his eyes crinkle when he hears a song he thinks is nice and the way his body shifts to the music even when they're sitting down. He walks the elegance of a dancer, but gives off vibes of an always happy puppy. His eyes linger longer than necessary on Jongin. Jongin's face, his body, his lips, and everything else in between. He gives his undivided attention whenever Jongin says something even when it's stupid. Kyungsoo catches himself smiling at the thought of Jongin. His insides twists and his heart speeds up. He doesn't know what he's feeling or doing, but he's pretty sure he's entering dangerous territory.

Kyungsoo knows he's screwed one day when he notices Jongin talking to another girl.

Bitterness engulfs him as the sight in front of him unfolds. His mouth goes dry and his face pales even more when Jongin reaches up to cup her left cheek. Whatever he's feeling right now - Kyungsoo want's it to stop. He can feel his heart slamming painfully against his chest and he just wants everything to stop moving. Time stills when Jongin's lips tug into a smile and he finds himself moving closer and closer to the girl until their faces are together and Kyungsoo just knows they're kissing.

Time stops as his breath catches in his throat. Dizziness seeps its way into his mind and he struggles to keep inhaling and exhaling. Something painful shoots up Kyungsoo's chest, clawing, forcing itself to come out. He dashes to a nearby washroom and locks himself in the closest stall expecting vomit to sputter of his mouth. Except, that doesn't happen. The burning sensation is almost unbearable as hot tears force its way out of his eyes. Red chrysanthemum petals purge its way out of his throat painfully. Kyungsoo nearly faints at the sight. He doesn't know what's going on. He's scared and shaking with tears running down his face. Kyungsoo flushes the flowers down, making sure to grab a few of the stray petals on the floor, and skips the rest of the day. 

It takes him approximately thirty minutes to walk home from school. Still visibly shaken, he enters his house. Mrs. Do's head turns towards the entrance and rushes to her son's side when he notices Kyungsoo sobbing hard and uncontrollably. He tells her everything; about the aching sensation in his chest; about the throwing up of flowers. His mother stays quiet for a while, waiting for her son to calm down while leading him to the couch.

She rubs stray tears away from his cheek. "Kyungsoo honey, are you in love?"

The question catches him by surprise. "I-I don't know? I don't... Why?"

She gives him a sad smile. "I... I don't know how to say this, but you have something called the Hanahaki disease."

"H-Hanakai disease?" He repeats. "Is it deadly?"

"Not necessarily. However, it can be under certain circumstances. The Hanahaki disease is an illness born from one-sided love." She states this while rubbing comforting circles on her son's back. "When you love someone but they don't love you back, you end up coughing or vomiting flowers. I've performed some surgeries for the removal of the disease."

His eyes are hopeful upon hearing those words. "Can you remove it then?"

"I can," Mrs. Do hesitates before speaking. "But your feelings for the other person completely disappear when you remove the flowers from your chest. Do you want that right now?"

Kyungsoo ponders for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of the procedure. He's eight months into the school year with a remaining two months to go until graduation. Surgery isn't a wise choice to go through as of right now, considering the fact that recovery might take a few weeks. He shakes his head no. "Not now. But... but after the school year. I'd like to do it."

"Kyungsoo." His mother says his name so fondly that Kyungsoo is aware of what she's about to say. It has happened for the past four years. It's going to happen again. It's happening right now. "We're going to be moving in two weeks to Seoul. And we're going to stay there permanently."

 

\--o--

 

"Where the hell were you yesterday?" Jongin exclaims on the bus.

Kyungsoo refuses to look up at Jongin. Though he's glad that his friend cares about him, that's all he'll ever be to Kyungsoo. Just a friend. It makes his heart hurt and the pain in his chest is beginning to intensify. The scratchy feeling in his throat tells him what'll happen if he doesn't stop thinking right now. He stomachs the thought and answers his question.

"I wasn't feeling well."

Jongin is staring at him with such worry that he prays he doesn't hear how badly his heart is beating right now or how his cheeks are flushing red.

"I missed you."

_Don't say that, please_. Kyungsoo shuts his eyes, forcing the flowers down back his throat. He's hurting. He want's it to stop. Two more weeks and he'll be free. Something heavy drapes itself onto his shoulder. Hair tickles his neck and he realizes that Jongin is laying his head on his shoulder. Kyungsoo refuses to open his eyes as he feels warm fingers slither into his own. There's pressure in the back of his eyes, willing the tears to go away. 

Jongin only thinks of him as a friend.

Jongin likes somebody else.

Kyungsoo is in love with Jongin.

He realizes that befriending the tanned boy was possibly the worst decision he's ever made. He should have just pushed him away when he had the chance. But now Kyungsoo is suffering with that stupid Hanahaki disease and the knowledge that Jongin would never be his.

Maybe he's a masochist because he finds himself intertwining their hands, feeling the warmth of Jongin spread to his fingers and throughout his body. Kyungsoo allows his head to rest atop of the other's, and for just this moment, he brings himself to be selfish.

Even though he sees Jongin and his girlfriend named Soojung holding hands around school. Even though he sees their kisses and lingering touches. Even when he knows that he'll be leaving in two weeks without ever having told Jongin how he feels. Kyungsoo continues to torture himself by hanging around him. Because he's selfish. Because he's in love.

The flower petals keep on coming. Each time they come out, the sensation becomes even more painful, scathing his throat and crushing his chest. Blood eventually makes their way out with purple anemone petals.  _Fading hope._ Severe unrequited love.

 

\--o--

 

The next week and a half inch by slowly until it's Friday.

Kyungsoo skips the entirety of the school day, yet shows up at the end of the day when everyone else has gone home. Jongin has bombarded him with ridiculous amounts of  texts and calls. Although it pains him to leave without a proper and personal goodbye, he figures it'd be best for the two of them. Besides, he's too chicken to face him and actually talk about his feelings. Hell, Jongin didn't even know when Kyungsoo would leave.

It's cruel, he knows, but he's hoping his message would come across to Jongin when he opens his locker Monday morning. 

A feeling of intolerable devastation suffocates him, clinging onto every fiber of his being. The tears can't stop falling no matter how many times he wipes them away. This is what he feared in the beginning, and now Kyungsoo has to deal with the consequences. He stands in front of Jongin's locker, taking one last time to reminisce the moments he's had with Jongin before slipping a CD of the Local Connect playlist he's made for him on the second day of school into one of the slits of his locker. Inside the case is a letter dedicated to the younger boy.

Before he can regret anything, he plugs in his earphones as Cosmo Loop wafts through his ears and exits the building.

 

\--o--

 

"Are you ready?"

Kyungsoo lays down on the operating table. Fluorescent lights invade his vision, the scent of sterile metal and equipment surrounding the room as he inhales and exhales. He closes his eyes and thinks back to all of the times he's shared with Jongin.

The way he chased after him on the second day.

The small smiles sent his way.

Goofing around during music class.

Jongin and Kyungsoo's personal and intimate music exchanges.

Those touches and lingers, his warm tanned hands holding Kyungsoo's smaller ones.

A stray tear slips down his face. He's ready to forget his first love and the pain that came with it.

"I'm ready."

The female surgeon counts down to ten before he loses consciousness.


	2. jongin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin's POV after Kyungsoo.

* * *

 

Jongin walked into school with his shoulders slouched and his head hanging low. It's been three days since he's had contact with Kyungsoo and it terrified Jongin more than he'd like to admit, not knowing what was going on and walking the lines of uncertainty.

He stopped in front of his locker and reached for the lock. As the locker's door swung open, the sound of something hitting the linoleum floor startled him out of his reverie. Looking down, he noticed a now cracked CD case splayed on the floor with 'LOCAL CONNECT' written messily. Jongin knew who it belonged to the moment he laid eyes on the rushed handwriting.

_Kyungsoo._

Hastily reaching down to retrieve the object, Jongin flipped the case open with desperation for some sort of news regarding his best friend. A neat little note tucked underneath the CD grabbed his attention and Jongin took the piece of paper out with trembling fingers. He tucked the CD into the small pocket of his backpack before reading the letter that Kyungsoo left him.

_Hey Jongin,_

_Assuming that you've found this note in your locker (along with a CD of the Local Connect songs we've listened to together), you probably know that I moved._

Jongin sucked in a harsh breath, his emotions becoming unstable as his eyes scanned the first lines of the letter. Kyungsoo left Jongin without any prior indication. He couldn't help the despair that squeezed at his heart. His eyes continued scanning the letter with a new sense of dread.

_I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier. I'm a terrible person, I know. I just didn't think I could've told you if I were to tell you in person, so I figured a letter would be better than nothing._

Except it wasn't. Kyungsoo leaving him out of the blue hurt like hell. If he would've just told Jongin prior to his leaving then maybe he would've had some time to prepare for the departure.

_It's hard to express how I feel since I was never any good with words, but I'll do my best for you Jongin. First off, I want to tell you how grateful I am to have befriended someone like you. You're the first friend I've had in five years and words can't describe how amazing you've managed to make me feel with our short time together. I was lonely and closed in before you came along. You taught me so much about friendship that I never knew before. Jongin, you've brought a lot of happiness in our time as best friends._

Jongin could feel himself shaking against his will. The frail paper in his hands began to crumple at the sides, his grip unconsciously grabbing tightly onto the paper as if his life depended on it.

_You've taught me how to break out of my shell and live life a little. You've taught me that one person can make such a large impact in my life. Hell, you even taught me how to ride a bike. I struggled and I fell a lot of times, but you were patient and encouraging._

_But most of all, you taught me how to love._

Jongin shut his eyes tightly as he forced the pressure in his eyes to go away because _fuck_ , that hurt.

_I'm glad I didn't push you away Jongin. When you said the sadness that came with leaving would be worth it with the memories made, you were right. I don't ever regret having met you. In fact, I would do this all over again if I have the chance. Maybe I will one day. I'll take the memories we've made and I'll cherish them forever._

_Thank you for teaching me how to be a friend and what it feels like when a person falls in love._

Fuck. Kyungsoo was in love with him this whole time? Even while he was dating Soojung? Jongin let out a shaky breath, praying to God he won't lose control of his emotions. There were only a few lines left of the letter, so he pushed down his inner turmoil to read through it.

_Although it was painful knowing you never loved me the way I loved you, your love of our friendship is more than I could ever ask for._

_I'll miss you. I hope you'll miss me too._

_With love,_

_  
Do Kyungsoo._

 

\--o--

 

Jongin was a mess.

He fell into an abyss of sadness as weeks passed without Kyungsoo. It was as if the older male completely wiped his existence from the universe, but it's more likely that he cut off all ties from Jongin. There were no more calls, texts, emails, or even letters coming from Kyungsoo. The lack of contact drove Jongin into a mess of unstable emotions.

He broke off his relationship with Soojung, finding no happiness in such a thing. All Jongin could think about was how Kyungsoo loved him and how hurt he must've felt. Jongin couldn't pursue his relationship with the girl after receiving such knowledge because every kiss, every touch, and every hug that Soojung offered didn't feel right anymore. The guilt ate at him until he decided to end it with Soojung.

As the end of the school year was fast approaching, Jongin couldn't keep Kyungsoo out of his mind. Until one day, pain coursed through his chest, causing him to jolt up in agony. Jongin could feel something like bile rising up to his throat, almost forcing his way out. He dashed out of the classroom and down the hall to the nearest washroom, locking himself in a stall. The boy heaved and gagged, expecting his lunch to come back out and into the toilet.

It wasn't.

A burst of something light and yellow burst from his mouth, scattering the floor and the surrounding stall.

Jongin's eyes widened in disbelief as tears spilled down his cheeks against his own will. He stood frozen in his spot. Seconds passed in silence as he tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for this. He crouched down, still in bewilderment, and picked up a piece of the foreign object.

A yellow daffodil petal cradled in between his thumb and his index finger.

_Unrequited love._

 


End file.
